Hey there,
It's time for a story.
And it's not one of those YouTube click bait stories where I say I almost died but it wasn't that serious. No, I'm just angry.
Angry that I can't force people to do what I want them to do. And before you start thinking I'm some megalomaniac, let me explain.
In November-ish, two of my close friends started dating each other. Do you see my problem yet...?
The first thing I thought when they told me was, "Ew, you two are like my little siblings you're grossing me out!"
That was my simple thought.
The next one wasn't really a thought, it was a feeling. I felt lonely. They hadn't even gone on their first date and I already felt like they had left me. I immediately felt like I was going to be forgotten by my friends, one by one.
I'm over dramatic like that.
My final feeling was one of dread. These two individuals have always had negativity issues and one had already been in multiple failed relationships(that according to him weren't his fault). So putting these two together in a romantic and "feely" relationship? I smelled trouble.
But I couldn't tell them that. I couldn't bring myself to tell them that I thought their dating relationship wouldn't work out. That it made me nervous and uncomfortable. "You're being selfish." I told myself. "This isn't about you! This could work out in the end. Maybe they're the ones to help each other!"
But my feelings were still there. It was awkward to be around them together, it still felt wrong. But I gritted my teeth and smiled for them, they seemed happy together at first.
At first.
Then you know the usual. He misunderstands, she gets sad, he tries to fix it, she pushes away. Aaaaaannnnd then the reverse. She sees an issue, he wants her to solve the problem, she wants to work together, he gets mad, she tries to fix it, he pushes away.
Do you see my problem yet???
We are all in Discord servers together. Now she won't talk to him and he just sends depressing messages.
We have parties at my house once a month. One doesn't want to come in fear of the other showing up.
And I sit here, feeling useless. I can't say anything. I've never experienced something like this before. I hate it. I want it to end. I want us to be friends and to go back to where it began. I want to send this to them so maybe they'll wake up. Maybe they'll see that there are more people here then just them.
I'm angry.
Not at them.
At myself.
For not being able to stop them.
For not being able to force people to do what I want.
....
...do you see my problem yet?...
